At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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