You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
did you just send me my own nude
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize