There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
