Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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