i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
