Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize