I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
