I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Randomize
