Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
