dude i'm inner monologue high
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
