Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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