the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
