I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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