My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
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