The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
