Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
