I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
