You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
