I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
