M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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