Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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