Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
