ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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