i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
