I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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