It was confusing and full of hummus
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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