Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I just had sex on a roof
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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