So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
