everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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