I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Text me some of your sweat
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
