i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
