Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
