It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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