yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
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