I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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