Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
