I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
