I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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