so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
