Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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