Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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