I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
You were trust falling into bushes
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
