Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
