Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Randomize
