Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
