also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
No more Irish car bombs ever.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
