tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
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