just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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