so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
