worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
