I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
People in love make me want to vomit
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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