a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
