She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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