i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
