I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
