I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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