I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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