when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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