dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
