Im at strip club and am horny
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
