About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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