apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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