Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
