I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
