I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Randomize
