oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
