we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
