What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
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