Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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