did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
